@___@

WHAT have I been doing.
with me
with my LIFE


Ive been in a state of NON-life for so long... I can barely remember what It feels like to LIVE
to create solely to DO SO
to LOVE ART BECAUSE YOU LOVE ART
to draw because you JUST ENJOY IT
to do 3d art NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST BUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT
to scream and jump and PLAY AND LOVE LIFE BECAUSE YOU DO

just that...



L0V3 L!F3

I have lost my way.

when I take time to look at ALL the people I admire... they are ALL people I watch LOVING THEIR LIVES people who despite what anyone says are who they ARE people who have enough confidence in themselves to live their lives as exactly that THEM SELVES.
what have I become. In my search for glory and acceptance I have sold away the very things I find to be MOST VALUABLE in life. I have given away my TRUTH my true self. who I am and the dream to BE that person NO MATTER WHAT
I have forgotten everything I ever wanted. Even if it were only for a moment of clarity that is IN THE END what I have ALWAYS wanted.
true freedom.
The ability to be ME  despite any obstacle.  the ability to FIGHT to be myself live as myself under MY rules AND MY GUIDELINES.
SIMPLE. Don't lie. Work hard. Love/appreciate all. Fight for what you believe THINK. Never EVER stop growing.
MY RULES OF CONDUCT FOR MY LIFE ARE SIMPLE!!!

Why have I allowed them to fall by the wayside, fall into the corner of my mind become IGNORABLE.
because I have been WEAK. MY guidelines require constant CONSTANT work. they can never be ignored as they bore into your every thought when they are. so it was EASIER to ignore them, and in doing so I have lost ALL that I have worked to be. I have been acting SO far less then what I am. SO far less then what I have hoped to be. I am NOTHING in comparison to what I saw/SEE myself as being. my potential stretches FAR beyond what I have reached.

I          have         been            a                            FOOL.

I can SEE clearly who I have always striven to be.
and yet.... I have allowed myself to fall into enchant old habits.
Pathetic.

I come to a point where I must simply look in the mirror and ask... "who the HELL are you?" you... who cannot find complacency in simply being YOU. You who seem to NEED the affection of others simply to find purpose and RESPECT in yourself. what have you let yourself become. Sadly the answer is all too obvious. You have let yourself
STAY
THE
SAME
You .... are the same little child you have always been, It is not a question of who you have become, but rather. Why have you REFUSED to grow...
Ive spent so much time looking at... and worrying how people see me. looking and wondering schemeing and contemplating how people PERCEIVE me Ive forgotten to look at myself.
What have I become.... a liar... a cheating scheming manipulator... a manipulating  low self esteemed loser with no future. Why... Why did you let this happen... USELESS question. really now. the real query.
WHAT are you going to do NOW? Who do you WANT to be... ?   well thats obvious isnt it...








When I stop and think about it.... yeah....  XD!!!!  It is.

What comes next?

Sometimes I write not because of something to say but simply something to feel
the unexplained NEED to put something intangible into words.
hmmm
HMMMMM

I wonder whats next.
what comes here, what happens now.
the changing point has arrived, and life again is in the air, a pretty little pirouette of a thing
so indeed I wonder whats next.
where do I go now, what is life going to have for me today... tomarrow..
indeed in fact of course entirely I wonder what s next
where will I be taken, what shall I pursue, what will I accomplish
what comes next I wonder sitting at the cusp of confusion and certainty
confusion in the simply blankness of it all for when I peer into my immediate future, all I see is a muddy fragment of a piece of the idea of what It is I want...
certainty because some things are in a state of calm rest.
I am an artist. I MUST create.
I am a man, I MUST provide.
I am a son of the all mighty I MUST trust.
I am me. I MUST dance, I MUST sing, I MUST laugh I MUST LOVE I MUST FIGHT I MUST SUPPORT I MUST DREAM.


I must dream.



the future is so uncertain, and yet I stand at this cliffs edge of the unknown, unafraid. for what can truly hurt me. I stand confident, In what should happen WILL happen. I stand unencumbered by who I WAS for that soul is a faded memory, a look back into a nearly unrecognizable time... so...

lets see what comes next.

What comes next...?

more seasons stuff

WHOOO CONCEPT ART

Ive recently graduated, got my bachelors in fine arts, in media arts and animation.
and drawing is just more FUN suddenly, doing something simply because you enjoy it, turns out to be very different then doing it cause it seems to be your life to do so at the moment.
in any case, here some seasons stuff, and BATMAN LOVE, I KINDA have plans for these, that will become aparent soon... ish... THANK THE BREATH IN YOUR LUNGS FOR BENG THERE!!

-Wiz