WHAT have I been doing.
with me
with my LIFE
Ive been in a state of NON-life for so long... I can barely remember what It feels like to LIVE
to create solely to DO SO
to LOVE ART BECAUSE YOU LOVE ART
to draw because you JUST ENJOY IT
to do 3d art NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST BUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT
to scream and jump and PLAY AND LOVE LIFE BECAUSE YOU DO
just that...
L0V3 L!F3
I have lost my way.
when I take time to look at ALL the people I admire... they are ALL people I watch LOVING THEIR LIVES people who despite what anyone says are who they ARE people who have enough confidence in themselves to live their lives as exactly that THEM SELVES.
what have I become. In my search for glory and acceptance I have sold away the very things I find to be MOST VALUABLE in life. I have given away my TRUTH my true self. who I am and the dream to BE that person NO MATTER WHAT
I have forgotten everything I ever wanted. Even if it were only for a moment of clarity that is IN THE END what I have ALWAYS wanted.
true freedom.
The ability to be ME despite any obstacle. the ability to FIGHT to be myself live as myself under MY rules AND MY GUIDELINES.
SIMPLE. Don't lie. Work hard. Love/appreciate all. Fight for what you believe THINK. Never EVER stop growing.
MY RULES OF CONDUCT FOR MY LIFE ARE SIMPLE!!!
Why have I allowed them to fall by the wayside, fall into the corner of my mind become IGNORABLE.
because I have been WEAK. MY guidelines require constant CONSTANT work. they can never be ignored as they bore into your every thought when they are. so it was EASIER to ignore them, and in doing so I have lost ALL that I have worked to be. I have been acting SO far less then what I am. SO far less then what I have hoped to be. I am NOTHING in comparison to what I saw/SEE myself as being. my potential stretches FAR beyond what I have reached.
I have been a FOOL.
I can SEE clearly who I have always striven to be.
and yet.... I have allowed myself to fall into enchant old habits.
Pathetic.
I come to a point where I must simply look in the mirror and ask... "who the HELL are you?" you... who cannot find complacency in simply being YOU. You who seem to NEED the affection of others simply to find purpose and RESPECT in yourself. what have you let yourself become. Sadly the answer is all too obvious. You have let yourself
STAY
THE
SAME
You .... are the same little child you have always been, It is not a question of who you have become, but rather. Why have you REFUSED to grow...
Ive spent so much time looking at... and worrying how people see me. looking and wondering schemeing and contemplating how people PERCEIVE me Ive forgotten to look at myself.
What have I become.... a liar... a cheating scheming manipulator... a manipulating low self esteemed loser with no future. Why... Why did you let this happen... USELESS question. really now. the real query.
WHAT are you going to do NOW? Who do you WANT to be... ? well thats obvious isnt it...
When I stop and think about it.... yeah.... XD!!!! It is.
